They just don’t get it For those of us who are animal lovers, our pets are important members of our family. Most of us can’t bear to watch the many commercials that play sad music and show dogs in shelters in which wonderful pets are just waiting to be “put down”. We want to adopt all of them and since we can’t, many of us leave the room so that we can put a boundary between ourselves and our feelings of helplessness.. Those who are not animal lovers really cannot understand the depth of our feelings and our attachment. How often have we heard, “it’s just a dog, a cat, etc.” It really isn’t possible to explain to someone who’s never nurtured an animal that they enter our hearts and we would do just about anything for them. So, when the tragic loss of our pet knocks us off our feet, it’s best to turn to another animal lover for comfort. Our “babies” deserve to be mourned. Most of us conduct some kind of ceremony at the time of loss and, often, wonder how we’ll enjoy life without them. I’ve been through this process, most recently with the death of our shih-tzu, Ceil, who was a bridesmaid at my wedding, named for my mother, & slept with me when I underwent radiation during cancer treatment. When Ceil died during her own cancer surgery my husband and I had already agreed to get another shih-tzu as soon as possible. This was very difficult for me -- I think I wanted to believe, for just a while, that somehow Ceil would reappear. It felt disloyal to love another shih- tzu, which of course makes no sense, but emotions are rarely logical. It’s very important for us to understand that feelings of the heart may be in conflict with rules of rationality. I think it’s best to embrace that a conflict does exist and honor the, often, immoderate response the loss of our pet evokes. Our pets are always happy to see us, listen, in their own sympathetic way, to our woes, allow us to snuggle with them (unless it’s a fish), and really only demand food and attention. They never blame us or hold grudges. Our pets think we’re the best things since sliced bread and idealize us ceaselessly in a way that no human ever could or would. When my first dog, Claudia, was killed by another dog, it was hard for me to explain why I felt so devastated. I felt guilty that she had been out alone and that I had not been on the spot to protect her. I re-lived what I believed her last moments were like (it still makes me very sad) and tormented myself with thoughts of what she must have gone through. That was many years ago, and Claudia’s legacy has been that every dog I've adopted since that time, has been under constant surveillance Fortunately, they don’t know that I’m an over protective mother. On the other hand, it’s probably a good thing that we will outlive most of our pets -- what would happen to them if we weren’t around to care for them? It’s not a bad idea to line up people we trust for “just in case”. As with any kind of love, when we bring a pet into our home, we risk having our hearts broken. It seems to me that a broken heart is preferable to one that’s closed and hard like stone. If we allow it, our broken hearts will always mend and we will be left with irreplaceable memories. Yes, we have chosen the painful path, but consider the years we’ve had to love and be loved without limitation. No need to be stoic. No need to resist the tears we wish to shed, After all, we just may have lost our very best friend. "Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened.” Anatole France Ruth Gordon MA/MSW/LICSW
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